


Catfish

by Uncle_Riko



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 14:56:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11511735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uncle_Riko/pseuds/Uncle_Riko
Summary: In this game, there was only one rule: you can’t fall in love.





	1. Chapter 1

It started off as a joke at first. Yoshiko would chat up some girl online, any girl would do, make them fall for her, and after toying with their heart, promptly proceed to dump them. It was her way at getting back at the cruel society that shunned her so. By all accounts, she was charismatic, that much was evident by her success in her online endeavors. But that kind of charisma failed to translate into real life, failed to do anything but hurt her chances at living a normal high school life.

But now she was in too deep. In this game, there was only one rule: you can’t fall in love. But Cupid’s cruel arrow snuck up on her, in the form of a soft-spoken redhead, and bit Yoshiko right in the ass. She was used to suppressing her emotions, any leakage of feelings interfered with her illustrious façade, after all. But there was something about Sakurauchi Riko that broke down those barriers. Yoshiko could recall Riko’s initial hesitance and shyness during their first conversation, a welcome challenge after a streak of easy, weak-willed floozies. But as soon as Riko began to open up to her, more and more, Yoshiko found herself falling deeper in love.

She knew what had to be done. At the first sight of feelings, the plug must be pulled on the operation. And Yoshiko intended to do just that, had she not been distracted every time by some cute emoji or good night message from this girl, a girl who was a lot like Yoshiko, struggling to find a place in the world.

Yoshiko knew this was a dangerous game to play. Had she just been herself from the beginning she wouldn’t be caught up in this mess. But of course, that was never the plan. She was looking for comeuppance, after all, not love. Her personal vendetta manifested itself in such a twisted way, and instead of Yoshiko, the world only saw the handsome and charming Tsushima-kun.

* * *

**Riko:** Good morning, Tsushima-kun! Sleep well?  


Yoshiko’s heart leapt, an unfortunate consequence of falling in love. No matter the time of day, or the contents of the message, Riko’s words did nothing but make her heart ache with longing, and with sadness. As much as she wanted to keep up the charade, for her own selfish sake, she couldn’t bear to hurt Riko any longer. At the moment, the redhead was none the wiser to Yoshiko’s grandiose mask, but the more time that passed, the closer the two got, the harder the fall would be. While Yoshiko usually reveled in these sort of tragic endings, it was a completely different story when she was the one falling in love.

**Yoshiko:** yeah slept like a baby last night  
  
**Yoshiko:** probably because I dreamt about you  


Pretentious shit like that was pouring out of her fingers all the time. It was truly a wonder how all these girls seemed to fall for such fake charm.

**Riko:** >_<’’  
  
**Riko:** Ahh that’s so embarrassing!  
  
**Riko:** …what kind of dream was it?  


Her throat tightened. Opportunities like this presented themselves all the time. Yoshiko was given a window, a chance to make things right, scare this girl with some lude or treacherous fabrication. All she had to do was say she had a sex dream about Riko, and she’d run for the hills, and they’d both be free. But love didn’t work that way. For once, Yoshiko felt compelled to tell the truth. 

**Yoshiko:** in my dream you were singing  
  
**Yoshiko:** and playing piano  
  
**Yoshiko:** and it was the most amazing thing I’d ever heard  


She’d never heard this girl’s voice – a phone call or video chat would obviously give her away – but there Riko was, in her dream, clear as day. Her soft, beautiful voice serenaded her to sleep, left her wanting more.

**Yoshiko:** but it was just a dream after all  
  
**Yoshiko:** I’d love to hear the real thing someday  


* * *

Riko hadn’t responded, which was typical. She was probably up to her ears in embarrassment, and Yoshiko wished she could see the cute, flustered look on her face.

Yoshiko gathered her things for school before stopping in front of the mirror to fix her bun. Her wide, violet eyes stared back at her, worriedly.

_Why do you continue to do this to yourself?_

She wondered what Riko would think, should they ever meet in person. She would be expecting a tall, handsome guy after all, not some pasty, ghost of a girl. In truth, Yoshiko was actually quite pretty. Her dark blue hair cascaded down to her shoulders, her signature bun resting neatly atop her head. She’d always been accused of wearing color contacts, which she took as a compliment, her vibrant irises complementing her pale skin tone. But despite it all, that’s not who Riko believed her to be. That was not the image of Tsushima-kun.

…

Yoshiko did her best to lay low. Most days, no one would bother her. She’d suffer through her lessons, eat her lunch alone, and head home. It was days like today, however, days in which her insufferable classmates tormented her so, that drove her to seek such retribution.

“Yoshiko-chan~” A teasing voice came from the seat behind her. “So, like, are all your magic powers stored in here?” The girl lightly flicked the bun atop Yoshiko’s head.

Since day one, Yoshiko had made the mistake of being genuine, being herself. She’d divulged to the class her love of magic, darkness and fallen angels. It was an identity that caused her no problems in middle school, an identity she cherished. But high school would not be so kind. High school was a microcosm of a normalized society, of what was to come – you either fit a certain mold, or you change. And Yoshiko’s dissenting attitude and unwillingness to change did nothing to help her case.

“Don’t touch me.” She swatted away her tormentor’s hand, not in the mood for any bullshit.

“Aww, what’s the matter, I just want to get to know you better, Yo-ha-ne~”

_Don’t give them the satisfaction, they’re just looking for a reaction._ Yoshiko tried to follow her own advice, but after so many encounters like this, she could only assume her disregard made her an easy target.

She stood up abruptly, storming out of the classroom, eliciting more than a couple giggles from the girl who taunted her. Yoshiko didn’t know where to go. Class was about to start, not that she particularly cared. So she settled on wandering the halls, hoping some trumped up teacher would send her home for insubordination.

She slumped against the lockers, wondering how long she could sleep there before anyone noticed her. Her moment of sleep would, however, be interrupted by the vibrating of her phone, clattering against the cold, hard ground.

**Riko:** Hey...I’ve actually been thinking  
  
**Riko:** If you wanted to hear me play piano…  
  
**Riko:** Maybe we could finally meet up?  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when did I start using so many semicolons

Tsushima-kun was the perfect guy. He was tall, dark, and handsome, his hair had great flow, and he helped the elderly cross the street. He liked karaoke, cooking and long walks on the beach. He volunteered at the animal shelter, the retirement home and the local soup kitchen. He even used his blinker when switching lanes. If there was but one flaw to him, it’d be the fact that he didn’t fucking exist.

Yoshiko had long since forgotten what his real name was. She’d pulled the picture for his profile from the untraceable depths of social media, deeming him attractive and intoxicating, yet kind and approachable. Often times, his face alone was enough for Yoshiko to get her foot in the door. Girls were lonely, desperate creatures; she knew this better than anyone else. They saw only what they wanted to see, and, as Yoshiko fumbled through her introductions, she found a majority of the girls didn’t care what his personality was like, only that he was hot, and that he was interested in them.

Occasionally, someone would tear through that first layer, her outer defenses, putting to the test her charm and charisma, her ability to actually _walk the walk_. And so, as Yoshiko expertly navigated the pitfalls of online correspondence, Tsushima-kun’s resume steadily compounded into the elaborate lie it was today, the elaborate lie Riko believed to be true. Riko was certainly an interesting case, after all, Yoshiko had been, for the first time in a while, the one to approach _he_ r. There was something about the innocent smile she wore in her picture, and the sadness in her dark, golden eyes; it was an almost familiar feeling, compelling even, and more than anything, she simply intrigued Yoshiko.

Perhaps Tsushima-kun had come on too strong; Yoshiko felt as if the redhead was intimidated by him, acting as if she wasn’t pretty enough or worthy of his attention, his affection. She was such a shy girl, so vulnerable, so malleable. Yoshiko couldn’t help but root for her, make her feel wanted, loved, even.

It was for this reason that her lies had a particularly metallic aftertaste. While she built up this girl’s confidence, in the end, it would all be for naught. The tower of lies must fall at some point. And with Riko’s seeming fragility, it would most likely be a devastating plummet, one in which Yoshiko could only blame herself. And so, she was stuck. She longed to befriend this girl, wanted nothing more than to shower her with affection, show her that her self-deprecations were utterly unwarranted. She wanted to look her in the eyes, tell her how beautiful she was, that she deserved to be happy. But how could Yoshiko’s attempts at sincerity be treated as genuine, when she herself sat upon a throne of lies?

…

Yoshiko wanted desperately to meet Riko. She’d brought this upon herself, Riko’s cameo in her dreams getting her to admit that, yes, she wanted to see Riko sing and play piano. The redhead had been surprisingly forward, suggesting that now was as good a time as any to finally meet. While she reveled in the prospect of such a fated meeting, Yoshiko could only lament the fact that everything was finally coming to a head; she was finally out of time.

**Riko:** I have a piano recital next week, I know they can be kinda boring, but if you wanted...maybe you could come?  
  
**Riko:** Only if you want to though!  
  
**Riko:** I know meeting up is a huge deal, I don't want to pressure you into anything!  
  
**Riko:** It'd be nice if you came though...

Riko was always being considerate of Tsushima-kun’s feelings. It wasn’t fair, it didn’t make things any easier on Yoshiko. She’d left Riko on ‘Read’ for over an hour now. What the hell was she supposed to do in this situation? Whenever another girl would ask to meet up, Yoshiko always had some lame excuse in her back pocket. She could certainly pull the same stunt with Riko, who would, without a doubt, understand, but Yoshiko felt guilty; Riko didn’t deserve any more disappointment. Besides, she’d asked for this; Yoshiko wanted to see her play.

**Yoshiko:** I'll be there

* * *

Yoshiko honestly didn’t know what she was doing. Her impulsiveness was striking, impressive even, as she found herself in the atrium of the concert hall. The hall was crowded with people: musicians, families, spectators. She did her best to blend in, not that Riko would recognize her anyways.

As Yoshiko navigated through the crowd, a glimmer of red caught her eye. She hastily turned around to catch a glimpse of familiar, auburn hair. The girl wore a sakura-pink gown, silently making her way to the opposite side of the concourse. Her back was towards her, yet Yoshiko knew with absolute certainty that she’d finally seen Riko in person.

Settling in her seat, Yoshiko finally had a moment to collect herself. If the Riko sighting was any indication of how their eventual meeting would go, Yoshiko knew her heart wouldn’t be able to take it. She was wholly unprepared to face Riko. But that didn’t matter anymore. Just seeing Riko in person had given her strength, the strength to come clean, to meet Riko head on - the girl deserved as much. There was no backing out now; today would be Tsushima-kun’s final performance.

…

Riko’s entrance was sudden, anticlimactic. She peered anxiously at the crowd, bowing her head in acknowledgment before shuffling to the piano bench. Yoshiko was worried for the girl, but she couldn’t help but smile at all of Riko’s nervous tendencies. This was the girl she’d come to know and love, after all.

The pianist tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. Yoshiko could only guess at what was going on in her head, but as chance would have it, the music would be give her that elucidation.

Riko’s fingers rested gently on the ivory keys, and, without further trepidation, she began to play. Yoshiko was a biased spectator, poorly versed in the discipline of music, yet she could tell this performance was different than all the others. Note by note, Riko built up a steady rhythm until finally, the music began to pour out of her fingertips, the same fingertips that wished Yoshiko goodnight, and greeted her in the morning. As the notes crescendoed into a heart-warming array of sound, Yoshiko was reminded of just how beautiful Riko was. Her passion and determination were cascading out; Yoshiko could hardly believe how much raw emotion and feeling one girl could keep bottled up. Riko was talented and amazing, and suddenly, Yoshiko felt an achingly familiar feeling creep up on her, a feeling Riko knew all-too well, a feeling of unworthiness.

…

A smile graced Riko’s gentle, pink lips. As she bowed to the crowd, she looked confident, content - she knew her muse was listening. Yoshiko could tell, that for once, Riko was happy.

And who was she to rob Riko of that happiness?

**Yoshiko:** Hey  
  
**Yoshiko:** I'm sorry. something came up, I wasn't able to make it


	3. Chapter 3

“E-Excuse me…S-Sakurauchi-san?”

“…Eh?” The redhead appeared to be lost in thought, not expecting to be called out, least of all by the strange looking girl before her.

For the first time, their eyes met. Immediately, Yoshiko’s heart sank. Riko had been crying.

“D-Do I know you…?” Her voice was angelic, but betrayed by the sadness inflected in each word.

“Ah, sorry, I’m just a spectator!” Yoshiko quickly clarified, trying her best to stay calm. Her face quickly grew red. “I um…I just wanted to say, your performance today was really moving…”

Riko looked confused, but attempted a smile for the girl. Yoshiko couldn’t help but wince at the obvious pain she was in, pain she’d inflicted.

“T-Thank you…ah, but I’m afraid I must be going.” The redhead bowed hastily before making her way to the exit, leaving Yoshiko alone in the hall. 

Even in tears, Riko was still beautiful.

...

Yoshiko never imagined their first meeting would take place under such woeful pretenses. She wasn’t sadistic – she hadn’t hung around after the recital to revel in Riko’s tears. But Riko would play it off like she always did, in fact, Yoshiko was expecting a text any minute now to that effect. But she had to make sure, see for herself that Riko was ok. But the empty stare, those golden eyes void of their usual shine, Yoshiko was sure she’d made the wrong decision. She was being selfish again, under the guise of being _unselfish_. It was escalating to an utter shitshow, and Yoshiko had no one to blame but herself.

**Riko:** Don't worry about it, you didn't miss much!

_As expected of Riko, forgiving to a fault._ But there were only so many times Yoshiko could say sorry, and only so many times she could be forgiven.

* * *

Tsushima-kun spent his weekends at his part-time job, the specifics of which happened to change from girl to girl. He worked “really far away” (conveniently), and had to drive out to work, because ya know, chicks dig cars. He was forever eighteen, apparently, because, why not? Initially, she hadn’t given his age much though, but Yoshiko found out early on that older guys had a much easier time in a sea of high school girls than guys her age. Well, except in the case of Riko, who, as a second year in high school, almost had a panic attack when Tsushima-kun disclosed his age to her. But it seemed more likely that she was just nervous around all guys, regardless of their age.

Riko, surprisingly, didn’t inquire much about Tsushima-kun’s personal life, only when he offered. Yoshiko was relieved, it was becoming harder and harder to keep her lies straight. But, conversely, Riko didn’t seem to want to talk much about herself either. It was a wonder that conversation never grew stale between the two of them. But perhaps that’s what Yoshiko liked most about Riko. She would laugh at his jokes, or get excited about some band she was into, some TV show she started watching. Trivial, seemingly boring irrelevances: Riko made them fun and interesting, and Yoshiko often found herself forgetting about the malice that brought the two of them together.

It was to the point where they couldn't go a day without talking to one another. But on the weekends, while Tsushima-kun was off working like a responsible young adult, Yoshiko often found herself bored. The volume of messages from Riko tended to decrease during Tsushima-kun's “work hours,” because the redhead was insistent on not being a distraction to him, which Yoshiko found utterly cute, but still left her with no one to talk to.

Yoshiko opened her notebook, taking out her makeshift quill, scribbling between the lines. Not too ago she’d started writing a story, a fiction about angels and demons. She wasn’t a great writer, but it was fun for her, got her mind off of the whirlwind that was her life. After middle school, she hadn’t found an outlet to engage in these types of interests (though she certainly had the dark and brooding part down). She’d been Tsushima-kun for so long she almost forgot was it was like to be the fallen angel, Yohane. So she poured all her frustrations, all her fantasies and imagination into this story. It was almost sad that no one would ever read it, but then again, who would want to? It was an unfortunate consequence that Riko knew nothing of this side of her, and she never would. But for now, that was fine; Riko would never read the words Yoshiko so furiously transcribed into her notebook, lest she discover herself as the main heroine in not only Yoshiko's life, but her novel as well.

...

Yoshiko awoke, groggily, to the sound of her alarm clock. She’d fallen asleep while writing, _again._ She begrudgingly stuffed her books into her bag before heading to school. Hopefully no one gave her any shit today, she did not have the patience.

“Yoshiko-chan~, ready for the quiz today?”

The cutesy, annoying voice was unmistakable. Yoshiko rolled her eyes, her tormentor was at it again. “We don’t have a quiz today,” she grumbled.

She heard a breathy laugh from behind her. “Oh, we definitely do. What, didn’t study?”

Yoshiko had resigned to ignore her, class was about to start anyways. As the teacher bustled in, Yoshiko’s eyes grew wide with fear as he pulled a stack of papers from his bag.

_Shit._

...

“Tsushima-san, your performance in class has been slipping recently, is there anything that’s been troubling you?” The teacher eyed her with concern.

“No.” Her reply was curt. Despite having failed the quiz, a lecture from her teacher was the last thing she needed right now.

“Ok, well midterms are coming up. If you don’t want to be held back, I suggest you study hard.”

Yoshiko groaned. Just more things to worry about, not that it was undeserved.

The teacher took her sighs as a sign to continue. “To make sure you get all the help you need, I’ve set you up with a tutor. She’s a second-year student who took this class last year, she should be very helpful.”

Great. A tutor. Another person to look down on her.

"You're not giving me a choice here, are you, Teach?"

He sighed, an encouraging smile crossing his lips. "I won't force you to do anything, you have to decide what you think will help you succeed."

...

They were to meet in the library that afternoon. Yoshiko had a million things she’d rather be doing; she contemplated skipping the session all together. But even she had to admit, being held back a year sounded like a hellish nightmare, and not the good kind either. How could she subject herself to _four_ years of high school?

_Alright, let’s just get this over with._

Her hand paused on the sliding door to the library, a buzz in her pocket interrupting her. It was from Riko.

**Riko:** Ahh I'm tutoring a student for the first time today, so nervous!!

Yoshiko stared blankly at her phone.

_Huh, what a coincidence. Wait. Has Riko ever told me what school she goes to?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took awhile, pretty busy. I have exams coming up, but that's typically when I do my best writing ;))))))


	4. Chapter 4

**Tsushima-kun:** Hey whatcha up to Lily  
  
**Tsushima-kun:** **Lily  
  
**Tsushima-kun:** *******RIKO  
  
**Tsushima-kun:** WOW stupid autocorrect haha

Shit. The last thing Yoshiko needed was for Riko to think she was just a side chick, one of the many girls in Tsushima-kun’s contact list. While Tsushima-kun _had_ been that kind of guy, a player, ever since Yoshiko met Riko, she hadn’t felt the need to talk to anyone else. Hopefully Riko could see that.

Riko didn’t seem to mind, if anything, it was a humorous exchange between the two. So when it happened _over and over again_ , Yoshiko just said ‘fuck it’, and began calling her Lily on purpose. She seemed almost embarrassed every time Tsushima-kun addressed her as such, overwhelmed by the idea that he had a nickname for her. Yoshiko was glad; it showed just how far their relationship had come. Too bad she’d only ever be “Tsushima-kun” to her.

* * *

Tsushima-kun had since gotten used to Riko’s flowery pet name, typing “Lily” out of habit, not needing the autocorrect as a reminder. But for _Yoshiko_ , that familiarity presented an issue. Only days before, it had taken a serious, conscious effort to remember to address Riko as “Sakurauchi-san”, during their first meeting at the concert hall (Riko’s name had been in the pamphlet, not that Yoshiko hadn’t known it previously). And so, as she stood in the doorway to the library, glaring at its only occupant, a nervously preoccupied redhead, Yoshiko knew she was in trouble.

“H-Hello, S-Sakurauchi-san…!”

A startled Riko dropped the cellphone she was staring so intently at. As her eyes drifted up to meet the voice that greeted her, she was surprised to see a familiar face. “Y-You’re the girl from the concert hall!” She stood before bowing clumsily. “Ah, I never got your name!”

Yoshiko could feel her cheeks flushing at the sight of the adorably flustered girl before her.  “I’m Tsushi---” she stopped herself midsentence, remembering who she was talking to. “…Just Yoshiko is fine.” She scratched the back of her head nervously. One minute in and she’d almost blown her cover. A fantastic start.

The redhead smiled timidly at Yoshiko, whose heart pounded furiously in her chest. “I’m sorry about leaving so abruptly the other day. I hope I wasn’t being insensitive, I really do appreciate what you said!”

“D-Don’t worry about it!” Yoshiko reassured her. She soon fell silent, for once, she found herself at a loss for words. But, of course, if anyone, Riko would have that effect on her.

Yoshiko had forgotten all about her reason for meeting Riko, until the redhead politely reminded her. “Are you the first year I’m to be tutoring, Yoshiko-chan?”

She nodded her head silently, still encapsulated by the second year. God, Riko was so mature, so polite and beautiful, how would she be able to focus on studying with this angel in her presence?

Riko patted the empty seat next to her, motioning for Yoshiko to sit down. The redhead was quickly rid of her nervousness, as she embraced the role of magnanimous upperclassman. Yoshiko, on the other hand, could do nothing to shake her nerves, the close proximity of her crush doing nothing to appease her. Riko smelled heavenly, like flowers, if that counts as irony, and Yoshiko found herself leaning closer and closer to her tutor, despite her profuse, growing embarrassment.

...

“So, Yoshiko-chan, what do you think about this problem?”

Yoshiko snapped out of her trance, greeted by an encouraging smile from the second year. Riko, as it so happened, was actually a fairly good tutor. Any other student and she would’ve easily whipped them into shape. Yoshiko, on the other hand, almost wished she had another tutor, one who was mean or disparaging or at least _unattractive_. But she was selfish, after all; she cherished every moment with Riko.

...

“Bye, Yoshiko-chan! Don’t forget to study tonight, ok?” Riko giggled, a divinely sweet sound, before waving goodbye to her kouhai.

Yoshiko managed to get _some_ studying done during their session. She was big on not disappointing Riko, after all; it’d be a huge waste of her time if all Yoshiko did was stare at her, lose herself in her womanly essence.

She set her bag down on her desk, plopping onto her bed. She could study, be a good student and heed the words of her tutor. _Or_ she could write another chapter of her novel; after today, she had a mountain of ideas for her angelic main character. She sighed happily, grinning to herself. What a day.

**Tsushima-kun:** How was your study session??

**Riko:** It was fun! I tutored a first year, she's so cute! We accomplished a lot today!

Yoshiko clapped her hands to her face, attempting to slow the spreading heat that pooled in her cheeks.

_S-She thinks I’m cute?_

* * *

“Sakurauchi-san…do you have a boyfriend?”

“Eh!?” Riko squeaked in surprise; this line of questioning had _nothing_ to do with precalculus. “Um…well…”

Yoshiko awaited her response with bated breath. As sure as she was of her feelings for Riko, neither Tsushima-kun nor Riko had ever said the “L” word to each other. The mutual attraction was there, she was sure of it, but Yoshiko had never ascertained how Riko truly felt about him. But with her relationship with Riko growing every day, she had to know if she stood a chance, against _herself_ no less.

“I…I don’t have a boyfriend…but---”

“‘But’?”

“Well…” Riko continued, seemingly struggling with her choice of words, “there is a guy a like…b-but I don’t think he feels the same…”

Yoshiko’s heart dropped. Is that how Tsushima-kun appeared to her? Like he didn’t reciprocate her feelings? She’d done her best to take it slow, she didn’t want to lose Riko. But maybe, in masking her true feelings, she’d led Riko to believe that Tsushima-kun didn’t harbor the same feelings as she did.

Ugh. Things were getting complicated. Yoshiko couldn’t keep her own feelings straight when she had Tsushima-kun’s feelings to worry about, on top of Riko's. They were the same person, but not to Riko, that much was always clear. Yoshiko could easily have Tsushima-kun break things off, give herself a better chance with him out of the picture. But, when it was all said and done, she’d be hurting Riko by taking away the one she _actually_ had feelings for. She couldn’t bring herself to do that.

“I’m sure he likes you back!” Yoshiko found herself blurting out. Her voice dropped to a whisper, “You’re smart, pretty, talented…he’d be an idiot not to like you…”

The redhead had no reply, only a gentle smile for the underclassman attempting to cheer her up. Yoshiko couldn’t return her arrestingly soft gaze, lest her flushed cheeks reveal her true feelings.

...

Yoshiko walked home to a deep-red sunset. Another thing that reminded her of Riko. It was becoming unbearable to be by her side, knowing, that eventually, they’d have to part ways, due to her own shortcomings, no less. But she stayed. She studied every day with Riko by her side. Her budding friendship with Riko felt all too familiar, after all, Tsushima-kun had been through the same thing. It was no surprise then, that she found herself falling in love all over again.

But none of that mattered. Riko had feelings for Tsushima-kun. Whether she should feel happy or bemoan that fact, Yoshiko didn’t know. She knew in the back of her mind that Riko had always felt this way, but was nonetheless surprised to see her suspicions confirmed. Riko would never return _Yoshiko’s_ feelings, she knew that from the start. Was that why Yoshiko was felt so dejected, why, when she treasured every minute with Riko, she still tried to tear herself away?

The sun had since set by the time she got home. Yoshiko’s eyelids were heavy from the long day, already guiding her to sleep until, out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a faint blue light. She groaned, picking up her phone. Talking to Riko was the last thing she wanted to do right now.

Her eyes squinted as she tried to decipher the blinding message preview. Her lips curved into a wry smile as the letters became clear.

_Who knew Riko had it in her?_

**Riko:** I like you, Tsushima-kun.


	5. Chapter 5

The redhead sitting across from Yoshiko was acting uncharacteristically calm for having just confessed to her crush, on top of the fact that he had yet to respond. Maybe Riko was good at putting on a façade, much like Yoshiko, no hint of perturbation on the outside, frantic with anxiety on the inside. Or perhaps, a more woefully likely possibility: she simply had no expectations of Tsushima-kun.

Yoshiko, after an endless internal struggle, had decided there was no other option. If she was to keep up the charade, _which she intended to do,_ she would have to return Riko’s feelings. The thought had occurred to her, that this was the perfect opportunity to end it all, with Riko none the wiser to her tumultuous lie. But, while Riko would end up heartbroken, Yoshiko herself would get off scot-free. She couldn’t let that happen. She could justify it as such, that she was a wicked demon, yet fair and just at heart, that she should receive her due punishment in time. Or perhaps she was simply a wicked demon, selfish and lonely.

She wasn’t one to dwell on the reasoning - she wouldn’t be here if she approached things logically. She was more focused on her approach, how she’d tell Riko the one truth in the whole matter – that she loved her, more than she could ever know.

...

“Sakurauchi-san, are you busy tomorrow? I know it’s the weekend, but I could really use the extra help studying for my exams next week.” Yoshiko was casual, nonchalant in her request, because, not surprisingly, she had an ulterior motive for meeting up with Riko.

“I’d be glad to help you out, Yoshiko-chan!”

Yoshiko perked up, not before a small sigh escaped her lips. It almost worried her that Riko was so eager to spend her Saturday studying, with the likes of _her_ , no less. “W-Well, I was wondering…since the school will be closed and all…if you’d want to, maybe, come over to my place…?” Yoshiko twiddled her thumbs nervously; her rehearsing in the mirror that morning hadn’t made the words come out any silkier.

“Yeah sure, sounds like fun!” Riko’s disposition softened, as her voice dropped to a whisper, “…I could use the distraction after all.”

“Hm?”

* * *

Yoshiko hadn’t been one to pay much attention to her appearance. After all, she spent a majority of her time behind a computer or phone screen, or a _profile picture_. Even at school, every day it was just the same uniform. As long as her signature bun was intact, it didn’t matter that she looked like the pale ghost of death. Besides, it’s not like she had anyone to impress. Until now, that is.

She wore a ruffled beige top, with a short black skirt and knee-high socks. Looking in the mirror, she could’ve sworn she actually looked cute. Not that Riko would think so. She puckered her lips, having applied a juicy, pink lip gloss. Too much? Perhaps; it’s not like they were going on a date. In fact, they weren’t even leaving Yoshiko’s house. But when your crush comes to your house for the first time, and, most likely, up to your bedroom, you have to be prepared for anything. _Ha._ She quickly scoffed at the notion. Like anything would ever go down between her and Riko. Well, besides the confession she’d planned.

Somewhere, deep down, Yoshiko knew she was being cruel. But Riko deserved to be confessed to in person. True, it was a hopelessly impossible task. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t be there, face-to-face, when she did it. She knew seeing Riko’s smile would alleviate her doubts, and make it all worthwhile. She’d know that she had made the right decision.

Yoshiko heard the loud screech of bus brakes outside her window. As she watched the passengers file out of the bus, she waited until she saw the familiar auburn hair, golden eyes glistening in the sunlight, before she pressed ‘Send’.

**Tsushima-kun** I like you too, Lily. A lot.  
  


There was a light rapping on the door before Yoshiko could pull her eyes away from her phone and the message she’d sent.

_What’s done is done._

She took a deep breath, hand on the knob, before opening the door. There stood her Lily, looking impossibly cute with her white sweater and pleated skirt, with frilly pink flowers, no less. She wore the biggest smile on her face, something that, unexpectedly, didn’t make Yoshiko feel any better about her decision.

“Good morning, Yoshiko-chan!” Riko was sunny and exuberant – happy. Yoshiko couldn’t help but feel her stomach twist into knots.

“Good morning, S-Sakurauchi-san…You look happy, something good happen on the way over…?” Of course, Yoshiko knew the answer to that. But Riko didn’t know that. Whether she was fortunate for that fact or not, Yoshiko no longer knew.

“Yeah, actually!” Riko bowed before accepting Yoshiko’s invitation inside. “Ah, but I won’t bore you with the details!”

Yoshiko couldn’t help the sigh that followed, but attempted a smile for her friend. She’d gotten what she wanted, after all. As she led Riko up to her room, the redhead interrupted her. “Say, that’s a really cute outfit, Yoshiko-chan!”

...

Riko was truly a humble creature. Her luminous disposition never faded, but when they sat down at the table, the switch was flipped immediately, and she was focused in on studying. “Here, I made a worksheet for you. Ah, I hope you don’t mind, I brought some of my own study materials as well. Just let me know if you need any help!”

Yoshiko nodded politely. Maybe a nice, quiet study session was what she needed to take her mind off of things. She hadn’t _completely_ lied about her intentions. Her exams were coming up, and now was as good a time as any to show Riko that all their hard work together could certainly pay off.

Unlike previous sessions, Yoshiko found it easy to keep her eyes on her work. As much as she adored Riko’s smile and the adorable little pout she had when she was thinking hard about something, Yoshiko knew that happiness would only be temporary. And, as was consistent up to that point, she wasn’t ready to face the consequences of her actions just yet.

Yoshiko found her pencil moving with ease. She was distracted, but still had enough focus to get her through her studies. Maybe that was Riko’s doing; maybe she was really becoming a better student. She sighed. Another winning attribute of her darling, Lily. She didn’t mean to put Riko on a pedestal, but the redhead had made it so easy – she was absolutely perfect.

...

 _“Yoshiko, come downstairs for a second.”_ Her mother’s far-off voice reverberated throughout the house as both Yoshiko and Riko looked up from their studies.

Yoshiko’s eyebrows flicked up sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. “I’ll be right back.”

Riko gave her a gentle, knowing smile. “Yeah, no worries.”

As Yoshiko left the room, Riko took out her phone, her heartbeat quickening. She stared at the message once again. There was no mistaking it, Tsushima-kun really did reciprocate her feelings. She sighed happily, hugging the phone tight to her chest.

He hadn’t said anything further in more than an hour. That meant the ball was in her court. She scrunched her nose, wracking her brain for a reply.

**Riko:** So…where do we go from here…?  
  


The redhead was startled by the sudden buzzing against the wooden table. Yoshiko had left her phone behind.

_What a coincidence, Yoshiko-chan just got a text message—_

As her eyes glanced over the message preview her heart stopped. A familiar name, and an even more familiar message, seeing as it had just left her fingertips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE chapter
> 
> the last text is from Riko, if that wasn't clear. It's blue bc it's from her vantage point


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: vague metaphorical allusion to suicide, nothing sad though, I promised happy endings

The air was cold as Yoshiko ascended the stairs to her room, goosebumps embellishing her arms. Something wasn’t right. She had a sixth sense about these sort of things, and unfortunately, she was always right.

Yoshiko had never seen a more despondent look in her life. She knew, the minute Riko showed up at her front door that day, that she had made a mistake, that she had pushed the envelope too far. Riko’s gaze, obscured by silent tears, merely confirmed her fears.

“S-Sakurauchi-san, what’s wrong…?” Yoshiko knew not of what had transpired in the few short minutes that she was gone, but she had a gut-wrenching feeling – everything was about to come to a head.

Riko, hand shaking, held up Yoshiko’s phone, an unread message plastering the lock screen. The message was from Lily.

Yoshiko’s eyes grew wide with fear. Suddenly she understood. “L-Lily, i-it’s not what it looks like!”

Head dipped in silence, Riko couldn’t believe it. “…What did you just call me…?”

Slowly realizing her mistake, Yoshiko felt herself grasping for words, something, anything. But it didn’t matter. Nothing she could say could possibly salvage the exchange.

Riko hastily stuffed her books into her backpack, blinking through streams of tears as Yoshiko stood, helpless, watching the girl she loved break down before her eyes. Riko pushed abruptly past Yoshiko, not daring to make even the slightest eye contact. Yoshiko could do nothing to stop her.

She hadn’t planned for it to end this way, so abruptly. Yoshiko knew her little charade had an expiration date, but she wanted to hang on to those feelings of happiness for as long as she could, and, when the time came, end things on her own terms. But she was careless. She got arrogant, and attached and ended up drowning in her feelings for Riko. She had no one to blame but herself. She broke her one cardinal rule, after all: you can’t fall in love.

Yoshiko found herself devoid of tears. Riko had enough for the both of them, it seemed. She stared at her phone, at Riko’s message to her, or rather, to _him._ What a fitting question. Where _would_ they go from there? Yoshiko considered an apology, a grand confession of guilt and remorse. Maybe revealing her true motive, her feelings of love, would be enough to elicit some sort of forgiveness from the romantic redhead. No, Riko wouldn’t understand, not a chance. Nor would she, of her own volition, give audience to anything Yoshiko had to say. What was the point then of an apology?

* * *

The commute to school was a lot more colorful than Yoshiko remembered. The vibrant leaves of the trees, the flowers and the lush grass – had it all been there before? Her mind felt light, airy, as if a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders, the poisonous hold on her gone, letting her see the world so clearly again. Her whole life had been dictated by _him,_ after all; her new-found freedom felt so…unfamiliar.

She couldn’t so easily move on, but it was her only choice. She wanted desperately to reach out the Riko, tell her she was sorry. But Yoshiko would be the last person she’d want to see at this point in time, that much she knew. She couldn’t be sad, no, Yoshiko was undeserving of that privilege. This was her punishment: crystal-clear skies.

...

Come exam time, the math came easy to her. Not surprisingly, when the slightest reminder of Riko sent a sweltering pain straight to her heart, she had no choice but to focus her mind elsewhere, on the little things that never seemed to matter until now. She recalled formulas and theorems with ease; she was a good student, she didn’t need Riko to affirm that for her.

It was painful, but necessary that she go through this change, reemerge as a different person. Otherwise, she had learned nothing; her love meant nothing. Considering all the pain she had caused, that was not an option. She liked to think her love made her stronger, made her the person she was today. But that was a silly, fleeting notion. To take away a part of her so dear, to say it corrupted her, wasn’t that punishment enough?

* * *

Riko had, decidedly, wallowed in grief long enough. _He’s just some dumb boy, it’s not the end of the world._ Except, he wasn’t a boy at all. And Riko still felt like it was the end of the world.

She buried her face in her pillow, letting out a muffled scream. How could she have been so stupid? She’d been played since day one, and not once had it ever occurred to her that Tsushima-kun was being ingenuine. She had no one to blame but herself. No one had ever called her cute, or given her the time of day before, so why did she trust him easily, so completely? How could she fall so blatantly into such an obvious honey trap when she knew she’d get hurt?

She sighed. It’d been one hell of a week. Despite being a top student, she found “distraught Riko” and “good grades” did not mix well, having barely scraped by on her exams. Her mind wandered to Yoshiko, as she wondered whether their study sessions had borne any fruit.

_No! Do not think about her!_

She swatted erratically at the encroaching thoughts of the first year. She just needed something, anything to take her mind off of her.

 _Well, nothing beats the blues like a little spring cleaning_ , she reasoned.

Riko sat at her desk, faced with a mountain of piled up books and schoolwork. She sifted through the pile, coming across an unfamiliar spiral notebook. It was black and beat up, not characteristics Riko would normally associate with her own stuff. A sudden realization prompted a sigh to escape her lips. She must’ve grabbed it by accident back when she had rushed to leave Yoshiko’s house. The first page confirmed her suspicion. It appeared to be some sort of manuscript.

 

_Of Angels and Demons_

_By Tsushima Yoshiko_

 

Riko flipped through the pages of bleeding black ink scrawled between the lines in a messy, gothic font. She never expected Yoshiko to like writing, what with her being a poor student and all. And the subject matter intrigued her even more. It was so…dark. None of it made sense. But then again, she didn’t know a thing about Yoshiko, did she?

The writing suddenly stopped, with quite a few blank pages to go. Perhaps Yoshiko had intended to finish it at a later date. Or perhaps the journey simply ended there, Yoshiko having had no intention of _dragging things out_. She rolled her eyes before her gaze was drawn to the last paragraph, where, in near-illegible scribble, Riko could make out a familiar name.

> _"Yohane would forever occupy the depths of Hell, never to resurface, for this was her punishment. But she feared not, for her love for Lily was just as eternal. And so, she would wait, until the end of time, until that fated day when they should meet once again."_

* * *

Yoshiko peered up at the grade postings, just happy to see she had passed her exams. But her own scores weren’t of any interest to her, in lieu of their usual correspondence, her only way of making sure Riko was ok was, awkwardly, by her exam scores.

“Ha, what’s Yohane doing up here on the second level? Cheated your way into second year already, huh?” A familiar, raunchy lilt serenaded her ears. Except this time, Yoshiko could’ve sworn her temperature hadn’t risen to its normal boiling point.

“My friend is a second year. She hasn’t been feeling well, so I just wanted to make sure she did ok on her exams.” It wasn’t a total lie, but more than that, Yoshiko was surprised to find herself opening up, to the class bully, no less.

Her tormentor, surprisingly, seemed to soften up. “O-Oh, I see…”

“By the way,” Yoshiko added, “I saw you were number one in the class, nice work.” She prayed that it didn’t come out sarcastic, she’d meant it to be genuine. It pissed her off to no end that the bullies were always the geniuses, but that wasn’t the point. She was tired of picking fights.

“O-Oh, t-thanks, Yoshiko-chan…”

...

Yoshiko swung her legs back and forth over the railing, feeling the cool night breeze against her skin. It was so peaceful, the darkness, the way it blanketed the city in its placid embrace. The last time she’d sat atop her balcony she was a different person. A scared, lonely girl, ready to part ways with the mortal world, ready to descend into the depths of hell. It was a long way to the bottom, but she hadn’t been scared. No, she was a fallen angel with beautiful wings to guide her. All she had to do was let go. But in the end, she never did. To this day she doesn’t know why. But today was different. She was different. Today she just wanted to bask in the shroud of night, and look at the stars.

She was hopeful, but not expectant, something about the dazzling night sky lent her that strength. When the tepid glow of her cellphone lit up the otherwise clear night air, Yoshiko knew it could only be one person.

**Riko:** Hey, we should talk.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was wayyy more philosophical than I had intended, sorry if it's all over the place


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty short chapter, dialogue is hard
> 
> three more chapters to go

Yoshiko didn’t play on the swings (anymore). She had an image to uphold after all; she was a mature, young adult. But something about the gentle rustling of the metal chains, the faded red plastic, made her forget all about that. She perched herself on the swing, rocking slowly back and forth. It was an odd place to hold a serious conversation, but maybe that was the point. Besides, she didn’t have, nor expect to have, a say in the matter. She was just glad Riko was reaching out to her.

She heard footsteps, lightly treading in the dirt behind her, as Riko took a seat in the swing next to her.

“How’d your exams go?” There was hardly a trace of anger in her honeyed voice.

Yoshiko shot her a look of confusion, not that Riko would soon return it, as she stared arbitrarily off into the distance. She hadn’t expected school to be the first thing on the agenda.

“I uh, passed them all. What about you…?” She decided to play along, maybe Riko had her own roundabout way of dealing with awkward conversations.

“Same, but just barely.” A soft chuckle left her lips. Yoshiko had almost forgotten the sound.

“Ah, sorry about that,” Yoshiko offered, taking responsibility, “I guess it wasn’t the best time for all of this to go down, huh--”

“I suppose you had a better time planned out then?” She said it jokingly, but there was some bite to her words.

 _About time she got mad at me,_ Yoshiko thought to herself. “A-About that…”

Riko sighed, kicking her feet back and forth aimlessly. “You’re really him…aren’t you?”

Yoshiko let out an audible gulp. As well-established as it already was, it was still hard for her to confess.  
“Y-Yeah…”

The redhead fell silent, instead pushing off the ground, propelling her swing forward. Yoshiko watched as she swayed gently against the breeze. She didn’t know what to think. Riko didn’t seem angry, or sad, but, like Yoshiko, she was particularly adept at masking her feelings. Except now was not the time for that.

“Look, if you’re going to yell at me, then yell at me. If you want to cry or slap me or, push me off the swing, then do it. I can’t just sit here and wait for it to happen.” Yoshiko felt her face burning, tears welling up in her eyes. She’d done a good job of controlling her emotions up to this point, but simply seeing Riko, hearing her voice, had been enough to set her off.

Riko slowed to a stop, the rustle of the swing the only sound penetrating the late afternoon air. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “It’s not fair…” Yoshiko looked up in time to catch Riko’s golden gaze divert away, tears slowly streaming down her flushed cheeks. “I should hate you - I want to hate you. But…I can’t. When I look at you…I see some semblance of him, and I think, that maybe, you’re not that different after all, that maybe, it really was you I was talking to all along…”

The two fell into a thick silence. Yoshiko really didn’t know what to do, what to say. Riko had every reason to hate her, but here she was, giving Yoshiko a second chance. She found herself mad at Riko for being so fragile and forgiving. But ultimately, it was that soft-spoken personality that she’d fallen in love with in the first place.

“...Oh, before I forget,” Riko wiped away her tears before reaching into her backpack, pulling out the tattered, black notebook. “I must’ve took it on accident the day I came over.” She handed the notebook to a suddenly quiet Yoshiko.

“Did you…um…d-did you read it?” Her cheeks were dusted with a thin layer of embarrassment.

“Y-Yeah, sorry.” Riko scratched the back of her neck sheepishly. “If it’s any consolation, I think you’re a really good writer.”

“…I-It’s easy when your inspiration is right in front of you…” It was such an embarrassing thing to say, but she meant it. Yoshiko swung back and forth gently, waiting for Riko to say something, anything.

“So…" Riko began, after a lengthy silence, "you never responded to my text.”

Yoshiko slowed to a halt. “Huh?”

“‘Where do we go from here?’” Riko recited, almost teasingly.

“I uh, I don’t think that’s something for me to decide…” Yoshiko admitted.

“Well, I don’t want to lose a friend over something so stupid.” The redhead smiled, a tantalizingly bright smile. “Do you?”

“…N-No. But…why? Why aren’t you mad at me? Why are you giving me a second chance?”

Riko paused, smiling to herself. “A boy once told me that he liked me…a lot. I like to believe he was telling the truth.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: bullying, suicide

No one had ever told her that it was ok to be herself. As a kid, the fallen angel persona was cute, endearing even, but, more importantly, everyone thought it was simply a phase. The devilish routine continued, however, and when Yohane’s spirit began to take over with even further regularity, that’s precisely when the world no longer treated her as an angel, but simply as fallen. 

...

Middle school would’ve been an insufferable nightmare had it not been for Hanamaru.

Yoshiko had been crying, alone in an empty classroom. Some classmates had decided to tease her that day, snatching up her signature black feather, and clipping it in half. Yoshiko didn’t know why she even bothered keeping Yohane around, this kind of harassment was only going to get worse. But this would certainly be the last straw. When they broke her feather, they broke her. She was ready to put Yohane to rest.

“Yoshiko-chan, why are you here by yourself? It’s getting dark out, you know.” The sudden voice was sweet, genuine, no doubt belonging to the bumbling, friend-to-all, Kunikida Hanamaru.

“Go away, Zuramaru, I’m fine, just leave me alone—” Her hand felt the soft touch of Hanamaru’s, the girl closing Yoshiko’s fingers around a soft, feathery object. She inspected the black feather that lay in her palm. It had been clumsily taped up, no doubt Hanamaru’s lousy attempt at repairing it. But it was whole again.

“No one should have their feathers broken, at least, that’s what I think!” Hanamaru was consoling her, at least, it appeared that way. Her manner of speaking was, in a word, different, not that Yohane had the right to complain. The brunette sat down in the desk adjacent to Yoshiko. “If anyone ever makes fun of you again, you let me know. I’ll give them a piece of my mind!” She waved her fists in the air erratically.

Yoshiko couldn’t help but chuckle. Hanamaru was kinda cute when she tried to act tough. But more than that, her words were oddly reassuring. It may have been some silly pep talk for Hanamaru, but for Yoshiko, it meant something – it gave her strength.

From then on, Yoshiko found the bullies coming by less frequently, with incidents becoming sporadically episodic, then, eventually, nonexistent. She’d taken a page out of Hanamaru’s book: a potent combination of nonchalance and aggressive kindness towards her tormentors - they were fueled by tears and anguish after all.  Of course, it also helped to have the _vastly_ intimidating presence of Hanamaru ever-looming. So when the bubbly brunette, her only friend, had given her the news that she was moving, Yoshiko didn’t know what she’d do.

...

Hanamaru’s method wasn’t working. The high school breed of bullies was far more resilient than middle school. No matter how many times Yoshiko ignored them, pleaded with them, they kept coming back for her, for Yohane. It was a cruel wake-up call; the world wasn’t all sun and shine like it had been when Hanamaru was by her side. And as much as she liked the darkness, it hadn’t been hospitable to Yohane, not in the slightest.

Yoshiko had sat on her balcony, on the edge of the railing, counting the number of passersby, none of which noticed the frail, ghost of a girl just inches from falling to her death. Her hesitance had been unfounded: no one would miss her, no one would even notice. Not even Hanamaru. But even so, she was not about to give up on her mortal life. Not yet.

...

Yoshiko combed through the various profiles, searching for the one person who’d ever given her any respite from life’s cruelties. It was a long shot: Hanamaru never was one for technology, social media being probably the last place on earth she’d find her. Hanamaru had said she’d write, but Yoshiko, through endless farewell tears, had forgotten to offer her address.

It almost hurt, all the photos of couples, friends, happy people in general. But it was a strangely intoxicating pain; it was almost a game to her, imagining the lives of all these people, imagining their happiness stripped away from them in ways untold. She’d long since given up on stumbling across Hanamaru’s profile, but that didn’t matter, nothing mattered, only that, while the world was happy, she wasn’t.

She scoffed at the current profile on her screen. The guy looked like a player. He probably lured girls in with his charming ways, only to send them packing without a moment’s notice. He probably enjoyed it, too; she bet it was easy for him. Maybe it’d be easy for her too.

* * *

Yoshiko awoke to the soft vibration of her phone. It’d been a while since she’d last woken up to a text from Riko.

**Riko:** Hey, do you want to go to a concert this weekend?  
  
**Yoshiko:**...you sure you want to go with me??  
  
**Riko:** Of course!  
  
**Riko:** Unless you don’t want to.  
  
**Riko:** I was just thinking, it’d be less awkward if we just went back to how things were, you know?  
  
**Yoshiko:** yeah I’d like that

* * *

Riko had mentioned the group once or twice before, _CYaRon_. Yoshiko had only now decided to check out their music, and she was surprised; Riko didn’t seem the type to like glitzy, pop music. Granted, it wasn’t something Yoshiko herself normally listened to either, she just imagined Riko as the type to listen to jazz or classical music, not that that was an inherently bad thing. In any case, the trio of idols happened to be pretty good. Yoshiko certainly wouldn’t mind a night of buoyant, upbeat music with Riko. Maybe it’d take her mind off of all the drama that had surfaced of late.

She met up with Riko at the train station. She jokingly wondered if Riko would be decked out in idol gear, only to be barraged by a bright display of neon orange, CYaRon’s derpy leader plastered to the front of her T-shirt.

“What’s up with that getup?” Yoshiko teased.

Riko quickly grew embarrassed. “M-My favorite is Chika, and her color is orange…”

Yoshiko looked down at her own outfit. “So, if I’m wearing magenta, who’s color is that?”

“Oh, that’s Ruby Kurosawa!” Riko chattered excitedly. “She’s so cute!”

Yoshiko nodded her head in absent-minded agreement. Cute was definitely the right word. If only Riko knew how cute she was when she got excited.

...

The venue was packed by the time the two had arrived. The crowd thinned out towards the back where they stood, but even so, the sound was far reaching and crystal clear. Monitors were situated at various points as well to accommodate the fans. The fact that Riko didn’t seem particularly bummed about their location meant she was just glad to be there. After all, she was finally able to see one of her favorite groups in person. Yoshiko certainly knew the feeling.

The concert was entertaining, Yoshiko had to admit. There was a nice mix of songs; those girls certainly had some range. Riko, as promised, seemed to be particularly enamored with the orange-haired Chika, which Yoshiko found utterly precious. It was a rare sight to see her be such a fan girl, and admittedly, Yoshiko spent half the concert glancing over at Riko's brightly illuminated face; seeing the pure bliss in her eyes was much more exciting than anything CYaRon was doing onstage, which was saying a lot, because they were, honestly, killing it. Yoshiko followed the crowd, changing her cyalume color to blue, then magenta. The sudden pinkish hue bathed Riko in such in unnecessarily flattering light; she’d gotten so caught up in her daydream that she’d missed the cue to switch the color for Chika’s solo. Luckily, Riko hadn’t noticed.

As the set came to a close, Yoshiko lamented the fact that her night with Riko had flown by. It was so odd that things should end up this way. Yoshiko didn’t deserve to be here, not a chance. But even so, she felt her dissatisfaction eating away at her. As much as she enjoyed spending time with Riko, a lifetime of unrequited stares sounded like absolute torture. It would be nice at first, just as tonight was, but eventually her feelings would win out over her resolve. The question was, how long could she last as a lowly sidekick, as "just a friend"? She’d only just made up with Riko, adding more feelings into the equation would make things even more complicated. But if not now, when? CYaRon said it best after all:

_"タイミング良きに告白しちゃうんでしょ？"_

_"You have to confess with the right timing, right?"_

...

The next train was twenty minutes away. They could probably get away with five more minutes of concert talk, but the rest would undoubtedly be spent in awkward silence. Riko didn’t seem to mind, as she hummed softly to herself, gazing upwards at the night sky. It was a gorgeous night out – somehow that made Yoshiko all the more unsettled.

“H-Hey…” she prodded.

“Hmm?” It hadn’t been enough to tear Riko away from her view of the night sky.

“You never asked me…ya know…how this whole thing happened…why I did what I did…”

“Eh, is that so.” The redhead paused, if only briefly. “Well, to me, I guess it didn’t really matter. I mean, if it was relevant I think you would’ve told me by now. I guess I just assumed you had your reasons. Besides, now that I’ve met you in person, I can see that you don’t have a malicious bone in your body. Whatever you said to me, whatever _he_ said to me, I think it was the truth, or at least something resembling the truth.”

“…That’s one way to put it,” Yoshiko scoffed, playfully.

“Oh? How would you put it then?”

“Honestly, I—” she hesitated, realizing there was no turning back. She sighed, “I think you already know this, but I’m...in love with you. Like more than a friend, I want to go out on dates and hold your hand and do couple stuff. That’s the only reason why I kept up the charade for so long. Tsushima-kun was just some broken, lonely part of me. But he fell in love with you, and, well, I did too.” She found the words flowing out seamlessly; she’d envisioned a lot more flushing and stuttering, tears even. “I don’t know what this is, what _we_ are, but I feel like, you giving a me second chance means that _maybe_ , you might feel the same…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all should listen to YOu's solo in Kinmirai Happy End, absolute treasure


	9. Chapter 9

**Riko:** I’m sorry, Yoshiko.  
  


Yoshiko stormed into the library, which was, thankfully, empty, save for one girl – just the girl she was looking for.

“What the hell, Lily? You tell me you’re going to think things over and this what you come up with? _‘I’m sorry’_?” She hadn’t bothered to reply to Riko. She’d much rather be screaming in her face, in person.

Riko sat in defensive silence, unfazed by the sudden intrusion of Yoshiko. After such a cryptic sendoff, on top of her avoiding Yoshiko for the past couple days, it was clear this confrontation was inevitable.

“Look,” Yoshiko continued, not waiting for a response, “if your heart’s not in this, just tell me! If you don’t feel the same, i-if it’s because you’re straight o-or whatever, just tell me…! Don’t just string me along, acting like nothing ever happened between us! I can’t believe I have to say this, but you’re a fucking moron! I literally wasted a whole year of your life and you’ve never once gotten mad at me! Why the fuck would you want to still be friends?! It makes no fucking sense—”

It was sudden, unexpected. The kiss was salty, tears streaming down Riko’s cheeks as their lips met tumultuously, then softly, shutting Yoshiko up until finally she reciprocated, delving further into Riko’s angelic lips.

Yoshiko couldn’t break the kiss, she wouldn’t dare. After all, this wasn’t her confession.

“Don’t you ever listen, Yoshiko?” Riko withdrew with an empty laugh, tears still streaming down her face. “I want to hate you, honestly, I do…I-I don’t know what it is about you, you’re agitating, and impulsive and despicable…but when I see you studying so hard, when you I see you smile, or when you call me “Lily”, it’s like…like I’ve always been in love with you…”

Riko’s sniffles were met by silent stares. Yoshiko was absolutely floored. Was she not just cussing this girl out a second ago? “I-I don’t understand—”

“I can’t be with you, Yoshiko.”

“Huh?”

“You’re right about me; I’m a moron. There’s no other explanation as to why I’d fall in love with you. By all accounts I should be repulsed by you, but instead, I keep falling more and more for you. What kind of person does that make me? That can’t be real love…it can’t be…” She fell quiet. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this whole thing, it’s that you can’t get hurt if your heart’s not in it to begin with.”

Yoshiko knew she hadn’t figured Riko out; she was the shy but beautiful redhead, insecure and guarded, yet bold and unwarily trusting of others. None of it made sense. But that was precisely why she approached her, sent the first message. She saw a lot of herself in Riko, that same sadness and pain.

Yoshiko had never been one to pry into Riko’s past, but this time it seemed warranted. “…Who hurt you?”

“W-What?”

“You’re so quick to trust everyone – everyone except yourself. You don’t want to fall in love, especially with me, because you don’t know if it’s real; like you said, how could you possibly fall for someone like me? But at the same time, you’re so eager to fall in love, so eager to give your heart away. Maybe you tried to, once. And maybe it didn’t work out. Maybe you were hurt once, and that’s what made you blind to love, even your own."

Yoshiko was met with silence. It sounded convoluted out loud, that’s for sure; it had made a lot more sense to her in her head. But the fact that there wasn’t an immediate, vehement rebuttal to her claim, meant, regrettably, she might be right.

“N-No one ever hurt me…” Riko’s voice dropped to a low whisper. “…But no one’s ever loved me, either.” Her attempt at a weak smile left Yoshiko heartbroken. The latent tears obscured her eyes, refracting the golden light of her iris in such a familiar way.

How had _she_ phrased it again?

 

 

_No one should have their feathers broken._

 

“L-Look, Lily, I imagine you’re pretty tired of hearing this, but, I truly do love you, and nothing will change that.”

* * *

It was a refreshing step in their relationship, having aired out all of their sorrows. Yoshiko would’ve been over the moon had Riko’s confession took on a more conventional, moderated approach. But maybe that was the point. Their love for each other wasn’t conventional, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be real.

She pressed her fingers to her lips, the same lips that met Riko’s wonderful, pillow-y, heaven-like lips. She’d been too distracted to realize her first kiss had been stolen from her. But she didn’t mind, amongst Riko’s mess of a confession, that kiss had told her everything she needed to know. Riko had been wrong, dead wrong. Your love can’t be a lie when you kiss someone like that.

They both agreed what Riko needed was time, and while Yoshiko had been busy thinking Riko was leading her on, Riko knew all along that at the very least, she just wanted get to know Yoshiko better. Maybe Yoshiko had jumped the gun on that one, but it forced both of them to face their feelings, finally allowing Riko to admit that maybe, just maybe, a relationship wasn’t out of the question.

**Yoshiko:** do you wanna hang out  
  
**Riko:** And do what?  
  
**Yoshiko:** idk I was thinking maybe we can go to the beach or something  
  
**Riko:** So, like a date?  
  
**Yoshiko:** I mean, I’m calling it that  
  
**Yoshiko:** YOu can call it whatever you want Lily-chan ~  
  
**Riko:** Fine, I'll go.  
  
**Riko:** And I definitely need to come up with a cool nickname for you.  
  
**Yoshiko:** Hmm? like what?  
  
**Riko:** I don’t know, maybe I can keep calling you Tsushima-kun~  
  
**Yoshiko:** Oi  
  


...

Riko was bashful, Yoshiko half expected her to be wearing a school swimsuit to the beach. But damn, she was wrong – the sheer amount of bare skin, what a sight to behold. Yoshiko took a deep breath, feeling the warmth spreading in her cheeks. She’d never really thought of Riko in _that_ way, and by golly, now was not the time for Yoshiko to remember just how gay she was. Riko was wearing a white ruffled two-piece with pink florets, the exact mirror to Yoshiko’s black floral swimsuit.

“Hey, we match! – Eh? Lily, your face is all red, are you ok?” _Hoho, glad I’m not the only embarrassed one._

Riko shook her head violently. “I-I’m fine! I-It’s just, you look cute, Yoshiko-chan…”

“Eh? O-Oh, thanks.” Yoshiko quickly left to find them an empty umbrella. Her face was burning, and despite her being pale as porcelain, it wasn’t from the sun.

...

Yoshiko was never much of a beach goer, but it seemed as good a place as any to ease the tension between the two of them. The sun was shining, crowds of people laughing and having a good time. Maybe, for once, they could be those people.

The two rented inner tubes, floating out into the deep waters of the crystal-blue ocean. It was calm, placid; they were far away from the clamor of the shore.

“So. What exactly about Tsushima-kun was the _truth_?” Riko brought it up jokingly, out of the blue, but Yoshiko still felt a pang of guilt.

“Hmm, let’s see. Out of all the trivial  stuff? Probably nothing. Everything about him was like, the complete opposite of me.”

“Pfft. And what about the non-trivial stuff?”

“All of that stuff, the stuff I said about you, was true.” She felt her cheeks heating up again, electing to counter it with sarcasm. “It might’ve been a bit watered down though, because I didn’t want to scare you away with my _overwhelming_ amounts of charm.”

“Ehh, and I assume other girls have fallen for this fake charm of yours?”

Shit. They hadn’t even touched on that part yet. “…Unfortunately, yeah. It’s sad that it went on for so long…b-but I’m glad you were the one to break me out of it…”

The two grew quiet, the conversation having turned unexpectedly serious. “I can’t believe we’re sitting around just casually talking about this. It’s honestly messed up, haha.” Yoshiko flicked the water, arbitrarily. “…I don’t know if I’ve straight up said it, but I’m sorry, for everything.”

Yoshiko was content in letting the conversation die right then and there, had Riko not spoken up. “I honestly thought I’d be devastated, but I think I realized that maybe this needed to happen; you must be thinking the same too…Would it be weird to thank you?”

“Uh, yeah.” Yoshiko snorted, looking up just in time to see Riko’s smirk and a wall of water splashing down in her direction.

...

The sun was setting on what was their first, as Yoshiko deemed, “date”. Yoshiko would continue say it was awkward, just for good measure, especially when they were talking about Tsushima-kun, but the more the date progressed, the more relaxed she became. Riko was truly willing to let bygones be bygones, and although she was (as they’d both agreed upon) insane for doing so, Yoshiko couldn’t thank her enough.

“So the fallen angel thing, what’s that about? Is it just something you’re writing about?” No trace mockery, Riko seemed genuinely interested.

“I was, like, big on it in middle school. I had the whole persona and everything. It was silly, but…” She grew quiet, tracing tiny circles in the sand before remembering the kind words of a friend, “…it’s a part of me, a part of me that I treasure…” She felt her face flush, feeling the enamored gaze of her date. “Y-You must think it’s stupid…”

“Not at all! I think it’s cute! Maybe I should call you Yohane-chan?”

“A-Absolutely not!!”

“Yohane-sama?”

“S-Shut up, now, you’re just messing with me!”

“Fine, how about Yocchan?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long, hopefully the last chapter will be up in the next couple days!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE DID IT
> 
> THanks y'all who stuck with me till the end! I admit I kinda slowed down as I got to the latter half, and I would've liked some of the chapters to have come out differently, but what's done is done! Thanks for all the lovely comments and support for our two loveable geeks. It was a lot of fun writing this!

 

**Today** 10:18 PM **Yoshiko:** LILY DO NOT LOOK AT THE LAST MESSAGE I SENT YOU  
  
**Riko:** Why? It looks like a picture, should I download it?  
  
**Today** 10:20 PM **Yoshiko:** I MAY OR MAY NOT BE WEARING CLOTHING  
  
**Riko:** Wait, you sent me a nude photo?? What is wrong with you???  
  
**Today** 10:21 PM **Yoshiko:** I took it and was debating sending it but then I actually pressed send and now I’m really regretting it  
  
**Riko:** But why would you even THINK about doing that in the first place??  
  
**Today** 10:23 PM **Yoshiko:** I thought it might help you make up your mind, since I’m obviously like super sexy  
  
**Yoshiko:** but then I forgot you’re probably more into guys soooo  
  
**Yoshiko:** anyways don’t look at it  
  
**Today** 10:28 PM **Yoshiko:** what are you doing  
  
**Today** 10:31 PM **Yoshiko:** why aren’t you responding  
  
**Yoshiko:** I swear to god if you’re getting off to me  
  
**Today** 10:32 PM **Yoshiko:** Actually that’d be kinda hot please continue  
  
**Today** 10:33 PM **Yoshiko:** Omg no please respond  
  
**Riko:** You know, you’re pretty bad at taking nudes.  
  
**Today** 10:35 PM **Yoshiko:** WHAT  
  
**Yoshiko:** DID YOU LOOK AT IT  
  
**Riko:** Pretty sure you shouldn’t be including your face. Don’t know where the photo’s going to end up, you know?  
  
**Today** 10:38 PM **Yoshiko:** OMIGOD KILL ME  
  
**Riko:** Relax, there’s always next time.  
  
**Today** 10:40 PM **Yoshiko:** NEXT TiME???  


* * *

For once, Yoshiko felt happy. Riko hadn’t agreed to formally “go out” with her (yet), but they’d been on tons of dates, talked to each other every day; they were practically connected at the hip. She didn’t care that she was still trying to win Riko over. There was no pressure anymore to be someone she wasn’t, someone that was worthy of Riko’s love, because she was already that person, and whether Riko would admit it or not, she truly loved Yoshiko. Their relationship was finally at that point where it wasn’t awkward anymore; they could finally enjoy their time together.

“Hey,” Riko prodded. “Do you want to come over on Saturday? My parents aren’t going to be home.”

Shit. Yoshiko had never been to Riko’s house before. And could it be that she was insinuating that they would – no no no, her and Riko weren’t even going out. But a girl could dream, right?

“I-I’ve got a big test on Monday, I should probably study…” It was a lame excuse, but maybe she could gauge just how much Riko wanted her to come over.

“OK then, I’ll see you on Monday—”

“No wait! I was just kidding, I mean, I _do_ have a test Monday, but…maybe you can help me study for it?”

“Yeah, ok.” Riko seemed oblivious. “You can sleep over too, so bring a change of clothes or something.”

“S-Sleep over…?”

* * *

Yoshiko rang the doorbell with moderate trepidation. She’d been up all night in anticipation of coming over. Riko had been acting strange lately, it was hard to tell if Yoshiko’s seduction techniques were actually working, or if Riko was just messing with her. She’d brought her study materials, but had a feeling they wouldn’t be getting much studying done.

“Hey! Come on in.” Riko seemed chipper, oddly enough. Granted things were going well between them, Yoshiko couldn’t help but be overly paranoid.

Yoshiko followed her upstairs to her room, where she noticed a jet-black piano in the corner. She’d almost forgotten Riko was a pianist. “Oh cool, you have a piano in your room—”

Yoshiko immediately found her arms pinned to the wall, her mouth silenced by Riko’s. Yoshiko stared, wide-eyed at the girl in front of her: cheeks flushed, eyes half-lidded with lust. This was the second time they’ve kissed. Both times Riko had taken the plunge. Now it was Yoshiko’s turn.

She spun Riko around, trapping her against the wall and leaning in for another kiss. Riko’s aggressiveness soon subsided as she submitted to Yoshiko’s advances, allowing her entrance as their tongues danced inside her mouth.

Yoshiko snaked a hand up Riko’s shirt before pausing tentatively. “Are you sure about this…?”

“…Yeah, I’m sure.”

Riko led Yoshiko to her bed, lightly pushing her on her back before straddling her. She took off her top, revealing her braless chest. Yoshiko had never seen a pair of breasts so magnificent before. Of course, she was a hopeless virgin, so this was the first time she was seeing boobs up close, but still.

“Holy shit, you’re beautiful.”

“S-Shut, up…” Riko turned away bashfully, intent on ignoring Yoshiko, until she felt a pair of clammy hands on her chest. She squeaked out of surprise, much to Yoshiko’s chagrin.

“S-Should I stop?”

“N-No…your hands are just cold.” Riko let out a muffled laugh, guiding Yoshiko’s hands back to her chest. “Don’t worry I’ll give you some of my warmth.”

Yoshiko could feel Riko’s heart beating through her chest. She could act confident and sexy all she wanted, but Yoshiko knew on the inside, Riko was just as anxious and nervous as she was.

Soon enough, Yoshiko found herself naked, under the covers with Riko. Their pace had slowed considerably to a gentle and passionate embrace, holding and kissing each other lightly. Yoshiko felt the tingle in her nether regions, but she wanted this moment to last, to be held in Riko’s arms forever.

“I love you, Lily…” she mumbled offhandedly, drifting off to sleep before she could hear Riko’s reply.

...

Yoshiko awoke to a soft melody, wafting through the air as sunlight filtered carelessly through the windows. She sat up clutching the covers to her chest, finding herself naked and alone in Riko’s bed. As she followed the trail of sound, she found Riko at the piano. She was breathtaking in her element, even more so than last night…oh shit, last night.

“H-Hey, did we…did we _do it_ last night?”

Riko continued playing, not missing a beat at Yoshiko’s sudden arousal from sleep. “Nope. You fell asleep.”

Yoshiko’s cheeks quickly took on color as the memory of the previous night came back to her. “O-Oh, s-sorry…”

“Don’t be.” Riko reassured her. “It’ll be more special when our first time is as a couple, you know?”

“A c-couple…?”

The music ceased as Riko turned to face Yoshiko. “...You were there that day, weren’t you?”

“Huh?”

“At my piano recital.”

Yoshiko had almost forgotten. It was the first time they met. “…Well, yeah, I’m pretty sure I approached you afterwards—”

“You said you weren’t able to make it.” Riko stared at her, a teasing look on her face. But there was something else, a placid smile crossing her lips. She looked happy. “You truly love me, don’t you?”

Yoshiko was at a loss for words, yet, her silence seemed to reach Riko, more so than her words could ever hope to.

Riko got up, placing a kiss on Yoshiko’s cheek before she left the room. Yoshiko never thought it’d end up like this, not in a million years. As she felt the familiar buzz of her phone next to her, she rolled her eyes. But as she read the message, Yoshiko couldn’t help but smile.

  
**Riko:** I love you too, Yocchan.  


* * *


End file.
